Evil Laughs and How to Get Them

Introduction
(by Amanda Doerr as Lor Voldemort)

As one of the most evil wizards of all time, I find it necessary to teach my underlings the art of evil laughing. Evil laughter is a must for all villians. It creates an atmosphere of fear that keeps your enemies from thinking clearly. In this very instructive book I will teach the following laughs:

The one syllable "HA!" of triumph
The snicker of scorn
The "I got you now" chuckle
The maniacal "You can't stop me" gaffaw
The Mad Scientist Laugh
The insane laugh of pure Evilness




Chapter One

"HA!"

The point of this laugh is to startle your enemy. Use it when it you find something that will make their life miserable - or if you just want them to think you have found something.

Now the technique. First, you must smile broadly. Smiling is very important to evil laughing. Practice in front of a mirror to make sure your smile is nice and broad. It doesn't have to be a pretty smile. In fact, an ugly smile works best for evil laughing. Or if you are image conscious, then practice evil-looking smiles. If you can't seem to get an ugly or an evil smile - don't worry about it - it will come in time. Just smile.

Now take a deep breath and let it explode from you in one loud "HA!" If you do it right, it will stun your enemy for a few seconds, during which time you should be able to act in someway to further your advantage over them.

Another variation of this laugh is the "Aha!" The "Aha" laugh is used in those situations when you need to induce more fear than shock. The "A" is a soft sound used to get your enemy's attention right before you hit them with the harsh "ha" part.



Chapter Two

"hehehehe"

The snicker of scorn is used when you want to humiliate your enemy. Unlike the "HA!" or the "Aha!", you use a tight smile verses a broad one. A good snicker must twist its way into your enemy's head and burrow there.

You must find the snicker sound frequency that works right for you. Some people have high snicker that pierce through the mind, while others use a low snicker that creeps into the base of the neck. Practice and see which one is you. A snicker should be distinctive and recognizable, so your enemy knows it's you behind their back without having to turn and look.



Chapter Three

"heh-heh-heh"

What's the point of vanquishing and enemy if you can't rub it in? The "I got you now" chuckle is one of the true tools of evilness. It is the vocal equivalent of Chinese water torture and it doesn't have to take as long.

The proper smile for this laugh is between the broad "HA" smile and the tight snicker smile. Then slowly you let out "heh"s, equally stressed. Three are usually effective, though if you feel like more, go for it.

If your enemy is completely in your power, then have fun by doing the chuckle when they least expect it. Halfway through meals. At three in the morning. Right after another one. Twelve hours later. After several days, you should notice their sanity starting to dwindle.



Chapter Four

"hahahahahaha!"

Who says that evil people have to be miserable? The "You Can't Stop Me Now" gaffaw is an expression of happiness. What could be more satisfying than knowing that nothing can stand in the way of your cunning and diabolical plans?

Smile that big smile and let that warm, smug feeling out. Similar to the "HA", the guffaw is just a little less explosive and more melodic - though I wouldn't suggest bursting into song, since that usually disminishes the effectiveness of your guffaw. Of course, if it's a particularly chilling and evil song, it might work.



Chapter Five

"muhahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Though most evildoers have no real need for the Mad Scientist laugh, it is just too much fun not to cover in this book. The Mad Scientist laugh starts with a tight smile and deep chuckle within one's gut. You must feel the power of creating something potent within you for this laugh to work correctly.

A true mad scientist laugh comes when one is so involve with one's creation that they don't even notice it starting. It starts softly and then builds to enormous volumes, as the laugher relishes in the power of creating.

You can create a similar laugh by doing a closed-mouth chuckle and then opening up into a full guffaw, with you head tilted back for full volume. Stopping the laugh abruptly and returning to a normal voice or complete silence adds just enough unexpectedness to truly chill the bones of those around you.



Chapter Six

"MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahahahahahahaheheheheheheheheh....."

Ah, yes! The laugh of true evil. Very much like the Mad Scientist laugh, except in reverse. Abruptly throw your head back and laugh as loudly as you can and just let it rattle itself out. Not only does it strike fear in your enemies, but it also acts as a wonderful cardiovascular exercise to keep you fit for evilness for years to come.

Remember to practice your evil laughs. They are your best psychological advantage against those goody-two-shoes who want to stop you.





written by Amanda Doerr